Eric and I started watching the new season of The Biggest Loser last year. While watching those contestants I was thinking, "Wow, they are big! I would never let myself get like that." And then I realized, as a few of them were weighing in, that I basically was like that. I wouldn't call it denial, because I probably told myself everyday that I needed to lose weight. I guess I was just lazy.
I never had a weight problem growing up. I was a size 2/4 in high school. It wasn't until I got pregnant with Hayden that I put on massive amounts of weight. I worked a lot, and I had breakfast, lunch and dinner at various Fast Food restaurants. The weight came off pretty fast when I started eating right and exercising, but I never got back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Then, I had Maya and put on more weight. (I am going to be very candid here, because this is MY blog, right?) I can't deny that my parent's divorce was hard on me emotionally. Since I am an emotional eater, I would comfort myself with food. It was a vicious cycle. I would feel sad, so I would eat, then I would feel guilty for eating so I would eat more; then I would feel fat so I'd eat even more.
In July of last year we had a family vacation planned with Eric's whole family. It was going to be so fun. We planned to see where they grew up, and meet some old friends. I totally didn't want to go. I weighed the same as I did when I was 9 months pregnant with Maya! I did go, but felt so uncomfortable the whole time. I have gorgeous, skinny sister in laws and mother in law. I was out of place for sure. When I got home from that trip, I weighed 190 pounds. You would think that the pictures from the trip and everything would be enough to make me want to change, but no. I ran into people that I went to high school with and they didn't even recognize me. When I started finding friends in the blogging world, I wondered why they all looked exactly the same as they did in high school and I was unrecognizable.
It wasn't until around Hayden's birthday in September that I realized my life was not what I wanted it to be. We went to Regional Conference at the Conference Center in Salt Lake. President Hinckley spoke directly to the women and said, "Stop complaining about things that are bothering you in your life and change them!" I could blame pregnancy or my parent's divorce for my weight gain, but the truth was it was my fault. I had to take responsibility for what I had done to my body. I stopped complaining about my weight and I started changing it.
This has probably been the absolute hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I am used to putting my kids and husband before me, and losing weight required me to do the opposite. To put myself before them. I started getting up at 5:15 every morning and exercising. I changed my eating habits. It seemed like people noticed right away that there was a change in me. Whether it was weight loss or a countenance change, I don't know. I have had the greatest support system in my ward and with my family. My mother in law especially, is always complimenting my progress. It means a lot to hear those things when I have been working so hard. She is a big part of the reason that I have had success losing weight. My husband has also been very supportive and has changed his eating as well. We go to the gym together almost everyday. It has been nice to have someone to keep me accountable. It has helped us be united in other aspects of our life. We are different people now.
I now weigh less than I did before I got pregnant with Maya. That is a HUGE milestone for me. Almost 40 pounds of weight gone! I am not at my goal, but I am close. I can run 2.5 miles straight, I can bench press 70+ pounds with out a spotter, and I can fit in jeans I never thought I'd wear again. I have never been able to run or lift weight. Even when I was a size 2. This weight loss has made me a better mom and wife. I am happy when I wake up in the morning. I am more patient with them because I no longer am frustrated with myself. I can keep up with my kids! I really feel like I can do anything now. I have overcome this huge battle, and I have confidence and self esteem now that I didn't have before. This new Brandi is way better than the old one!
(The most recent pictures of me are the ones below with the chicks. I'll have to have Eric take one of me so you can see before and after!)
17 comments:
I applaud you! You were beautiful then, and just as beautiful now. You should be proud of yourself.
Your real beauty is evidenced in your faith and submissiveness to the words of the prophet;"Stop complaining about things that are bothering you in your life and change them!" It is so like you to listen, learn, and ACT. You are now reaping the blessings.Not only that, but your self confidenc, energy, and joy spills over to all of us that love you. Way to go!
You go, girl! You really look fabulous! But with or without the weight, you're an amazing person and a great friend!
Wow, Brandi let me just say I am inspired. I totally echo the comments already on here. You are a fabulous person no matter where you are on the scale. I can also say I have so been there. I'd like to say I am like Oprah. In the past 5 years I have been a size 6 and a size 16. Whoo hoo - thank heavens our bodies are so flexible!! Mentally I have my 'boarding pass' for the 'loose the baby weight train' but can't diet so much while being pregnant. So thank you for the re-inspiration...it helps to hear your success and positivity!! Once this baby gets here and I'm back to weight watchers & the gym - I will be re-referencing your post here when I feel weak...hope that is okay!! You are awesome!
Congratulations Brandi! I was crying as I was reading your blog. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. You have such a strength in you that is contagious to those around you. You are definitely an inspiration to me. Thanks for being such a wonderful sister-in-law! I can't wait to see you guys (whenever that may be!)
I know I just responded...but I thought of something else...keep up the running. Maybe we could run a race together someday:)
Emily,
I'm running my first 5k in May for Race for the Cure. I'm way excited. I would love to run a race with you! I'd better keep training, though. 2.5 miles won't get me that far!
Wow! This post made me realize how much I miss hanging out with you and our fun cheer days! I noticed in your last post how awesome you look! I am so happy for you. Way to go. I also gained 50 lbs when I was pregnant with Daniel, and it was so hard. So, I'm very proud that you are working so hard. It took me a solid year to work it all off!
You are amazing. I think that is the hardest thing- disciplining yourself to do exactly what you don't want to do. I am so impressed and thrilled for you. I love your honesty and I think that is one of the best ways to thank Heavenly Father for His blessings- sharing your experiences with others. I know it is an inspiration to all who read it. Thank you!v
Wow! I'm so impressed with your dedication. You should be really proud of yourself!
Brandi!
I am so impressed! I love to hear stories like yours.. I to am working really hard.. we should go to the gym together sometime.. I go early in the morning as well..How did you change your eating? What are ya doing? Call me sometime. Congratulations again! That is a HUGE defeat! I too, am still trying to get rid of baby weight from Jenesee.... I have never been able to run and I have been going since the first of january and am up to about two miles or more. I am so happy for you. I know how good that feels.
Jan,
I'm doing the body for life workouts and eating. It's such a good plan. My favorite part is that you get one whole free day of whatever you want to eat. That has totally helped me to stick with it! Although, some weeks I have a couple of free days, but what can you do?
Brandi,
It has been forever since I blogged. I am just so busy and I see that I have missed so much. I have to say that I really think you are so beautiful. from the very first time that we met I thought that. But I did notice when I was up there last that you look incredible. I admire you so much for your self discipline and motivation. I don't know how you do do it but I admire you so much for taking courage and initiative. by-the-way, thank you for the call when I lost the baby. I appreciate your thoughtfulness...
Brandi,
You are absolutely beautiful! Erik and I have been watching Biggest Looser as well and starting to make small changes. I applaud you, it isn't easy. You are an amazing person. I have always thought of you as beautiful. You inspire me.
oh brandi. you are awesome. congrats keep up the good work. your post has now inspired me as well and i will now work just as hard as you hopefully but probably not. haha but keep it up. you rock sissy. not as in a wimp but as in your my sister. haha ok peace
Hi Brandi I saw your comment on our blog and thought I would look at your blog to try and get some motiviation with this whole running thing. This post made me cry. I can relate in my own way. I was like you, I was really tiny in high school and never had to worry about weight. I always thought I would be that way, but boy was I wrong. When I got pregnant with Mais I ate horribly because I figured I was pregnant and I shouldn't have to worry. And man do I regret that now. I still haven't gotten even close to the weight I was before I got pregnant. I have like 20 more pounds to lose. Did you do any specific eating plan? I need to do something with my eating, especially now that I'm starting to run so I can get the weight off. Your post was good motivation for me so thanks so much for sharing. I know how it is to feel unhappy with yourself and to eat emotionally, that is my biggest problem. I need to get it under control so I can really be happy again.
Wow Brandi You are amazing! I have tears as I type now you made me cry. I love how you are so honest, thank you for sharing this. You know everyone has things they need to work on and has self doubt. You are so beautiful and I saw you on that family trip to California and you know what I thought you were beautiful. I know we only believe that if we think it ourselves. And I am so proud of you for doing something for yourself. And don't worry about weight you gain muscle when you work out and that weighs more than fat. So just keep going and you will just get stronger and that is what matters strength inside and out. You inspire me to start working out again, it is healthy for us all.
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